first day back!

first day of school time! and ya know what that means. time to break out the book covers and shove a bunch of papers in your parents face for them to sign. but unlike most people, i actually choose to enjoy the first day of school. it's the only time most teachers are nice and most of the time, the only homework given is easy. unfortunately for me, i'm starting my sophmore year. those of you who either went through this 'special' year of high school or are suffering through it now, i sympathize. along with the mountains of homework we got over the summer, we've already been given papers complete with due dates and study material for tests. two of which i have tomorrow.

but, i'm choosing to keep a smile on my face and an organizer at hand. i'm aiming to beat procrastination and get things done... as soon as i'm done posting this.

before i go though, i'll give you a quick run-down of my day.

first peroid i've got a pretty cool teacher for american history and a couple good friends to enjoy it with. seems like i'll start with a positive class. second period i've got bio. honors bio. i've heard horror stories about this class, but so far i'm liking it. it's just a lot of work. third period study hall with a woman with a pole shoved up her butt side-ways. fourth period honors algebra II. woman's kinda rough around the edges, but i think i'll get by. fifth and sixth i've got band. seventh i've got lunch. eighth i've got honors french III with a new transfer teacher who i was kinda worried about, but she turned out to be pretty cool. very lively. and ninth period i've got honors english 10 with a really cool teacher. the past two years i've had horrible english teachers and it's nice to have my favorite subject back.

well, it's time for homework! 

talk to ya tomorrow!

loving dead,

tay

boring post, but it's better then nothing.

so FORGET my last post.
it NEVER happened.
plus i kinda want him to end up with my best friend anyway.
i think i was just really surprised to find such a great guy and i really wanted him to end up with one of us, so, because he had been rejected, i started to want him for myself...
BUT he and i are better as friends (story of my life), especially after everything, so that's that.

alright well i just wanted to say just how much i miss my school life.
really.
i miss all of my friends, especially all of the tribe members, and i really wish that we could have another party sometime soon, but even then half of the guys don't show up.
makes me sad.
i might see a couple of them tomorrow, but it's not the same.

*deep sigh*
but other then that, i'm pretty happy.
we're back from chicago, which i will fill you all in on later when i feel up to it.
but right now i'm kinda hungry so i'm going to go get some food before bed.

g'night all!

not really up to overthinking things right now,

tay

average...

so today i saw momma mia..
and i thought it was good...
but mostly because i tend to like musicals (excluding high school musical).
the acting wasn't impressive, but the overall outlook was pretty cool.
plus i love greece, so it was kinda up my ally.

anyway, so i saw it with my two best friends and then we hung out in the mall for a little bit.
i LOVE hanging out with them.
it's like i'm back home, at school, when even though i feel like i'm drowning, i know that they'll keep me from anything too traumatizing.
and then we went back to one of their houses and worked on what we were going to use to audition for beauty and the beast.
it was overall the highlight of my day.
aside from working on bio homework, lol.

having a pretty average day,
tay

interesting stuff... NOT

so today was actually a good day!
besides having an annoying dentist appointment, i got to hang out in the band room for an hour, hangout with my two best friends all day, and NOT have to do homework!
lol.
i really like the homework actually (please don't be cruel), so i'm happy that i get to work on it tomorrow.

so yeah.
no cavities, but unfortunately i was criticized about my lack of flossing.
so along with fixing my posture, i really wanna start remembering to floss.

wow, this seems like a really boring post, talking about dentist appointments and non-eventful hanging out, so i'm going to go back to my grey's anatomy and stop boring all of you.

just remember, it's either this boring catch up stuff, or ranting about my love life.
until something interesting happens, my future posts might be more like this.
*shrugs*
but whatever.

waiting to see mcdreamy again,
tay

Someone?... Anyone?... Nope. Just me. As always.

I need help, but I don't know where to go. I'm confused and just want to go to someone who understands.

Sure, I tried out for it, but I only tried out for a small role! I didn't ask to be the lead! And now the director, who apparently has a huge crush on me, is casting himself as my romantic opposite because no one else showed up.

It doesn't help that I think his crush had a big part to do with me getting casted. I mean, I know I'm not that great of an actress or a singer! So how did I get this part???

I don't know what I'm gonna do and I really need someone to talk to me about it. I just need advice.

I just need a friend.

Determined not to cry even though the I can't see through the tears,

Tay

Quick Update

Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since my last post, but I've been kinda busy lately. I don't even know where to begin!

Well, lets start out with my current social life. The stupid guy is still there, but I'm moving on. It's not going to happen and I'm letting it go. So far, this has been easier said then done, mostly because it feels like every time I get close to moving on, he finds a way to imput himself into my life somehow, but I don't think he means to do it. Personally, I don't even think he likes me anymore, so you know... as if I wasn't depressed enough...

Anyway, moving on to other matters, let me just say that I feel the need to announce to the world that Claire and Drew are FINALLY TOGETHER!!! Congrats you two!!! I'm so proud!!! Yeah, so things in that drama department are actually pretty quiet. As far as I know, they're happy and things are going great, so... yeah! We're all pretty happy about it!

But, things can't all be perfect. K, as I've decided to call him (see former posts), is still in love with someone he has no busness being in love with!!! I don't know how many times I can tell him to move on!!! He just won't listen!!! If he keeps getting this attached to the guy, he's going to end up completely crushed by the time this thing is over. And I can only feel sorry for him to a point.

As for my family stuff, this summer we're going to PA!!! Yey!!! I miss my aunts, uncles, and cousins a lot, so it'll be good to see them again... other than that... there's really nothing going on in that area either.

So lets see... today I'm going to go to my church to meet with a youth group leader (or something along those lines) to talk about me getting more involved with my church. I love my church and it makes me sad that we only go once a year, so I've talked to my dad about it a lot and finally we've decided to do something about it. See, my family believes in God and all that, but between my mom not really being into the whole organized religion thing and my dad's outragious sleeping patterns as the result of his job, we haven't ever found the need to go in the past. And I have to admit that I was never sorry about that when I was little. I liked sleeping in every Sunday and I loved being able to run downstairs and help make pancakes instead of getting into fancy clothes for church. And then that stupid tree happened and my views on stuff changed. A lot changed for me after that night. Between that and my grandfather's death the previous year, I was starting to get warmed up to the idea of going to church. But of course, my family still liked the idea of sleeping in on Sunday. So here I've been for the past two years. Wanting to go to church and not being able to. And it's almost too late to do anything because I know virtually nothing about religion, God, Jesus, or anything relating to those three things. I believe that there is a God and that Jesus really was his son, I believe it all, I just don't know anything about it other than that. When you're me (some of you know what I'm talking about) and you have the, well, 'condition' that I have, you really don't have any other choice then to believe in God. I just feel bad for having this *cough* um, 'condition' and not knowing anything about the religious beliefs behind it. I feel like I've been given a gift that I know nothing about.

So yeah, after that I'm going to go into work for a couple hours and have fun with my students and then I'm going to come home and sleep for ten billion hours.

So that's me right now. I'll keep you updated as things change.

Wishing that summer would just come already,

Tay

PS; I will try to get out the next chapter of SS before break ends, but I can't promise it will get done. :( I'll try though, I promise.

Arms to Hold Me Needed

I'm so confused that it isn't even funny. But I'm not going to skip right to me. No, I'm gonna start from the beginning.

So it started a few days ago when I was talking to one of my best friends. He is bi and he had a girlfriend who was another of my best friends. He had hurt her a few months back, but then fell for her again and this time, they ended up going out. The thing is though that he's always had this thing for this guy who he's known all year who's two years older than him (and straight btw). Well, I was talking to my friend and he and I basically came to the conclusion that he was 'in love' with this guy and he had to tell his girlfriend and stop leading her on like that.

Okay, so, just to make the situation even more complicated, lets enter me and my best friend who are talking on the phone later that day and are getting kinda mad at our other best friend for hurting his girlfriend for the second time this year. We start to decide that it would probably end up being better if she hears it from one of us instead of him. So we call her. She's not home. She calls my best friend back later and she tells her. I then talk to her about an hour later, she's in tears (obviously) and then I had to go to my brother's soccer game, so I didn't hear anymore.

Then enter the other side of the relationship, him. Lets call him... K. So I get a call from K about an hour after I got home from the soccer game. He's kinda pissed at me and my other best friend (Claire) for telling his 'girlfriend' (now calling her S) about him wanting to break up with her. Can't really blame him, but we did it for S, not him. So I kinda calm him down, he's not mad at me at least, and we hang up.

K and S obviously broke up and are now in some sort of awkward friends thingie, but whatever. I'm done getting involved (I know, I say that all the time, but this time I'm actually gonna try harder).

And, believe it or not, around that same time, guess who decides to enter himself into the picture again??? Yeah... I think you can figure it out.

AND, to add to it all, I've been sick for the past two days. Between stress, this whole friends crisis, this guy, school, and this stupid sickness, I've been on the verge of tears for the past three days. And I can't figure out why I got sick in the first place!!! I NEVER get sick! Never! And somehow I get sick NOW??? And of course I couldn't skip school today. Not with two tests and a quiz. It sucked. I'll admit that yesterday was worse, but still. Today was kinda bad. The only good part was that I got to sleep in third period and a bit during lunch, but not much. Being the only girl is my favorite part of lunch (shhh....), but it does pose a problem when you're sleep deprived (suprisingly enough, sick people don't get a lot of sleep), stressed (stupid school... stupid friends... stupid boys...), and food deprived (I don't eat much to begin with and add being sick to that, lets just say that dinner is the only meal when I haven't been eating like a bird). I love the guys, but they can be a little loud. Especially when they're shooting bottle caps at lunch ladies (sam, lol).

So yeah. Sorry about that long story. I just needed a venting session. It felt good too. And again, if you're reading this, I really want more comments. As some of you may know, I've felt really lonely this past month and if anyone comments it would really make me smile. I might even cry. I don't know. With my current emotional state, it's hard to tell.

Wishing that the room would stop spinning,

Tay

Whatever

Okay... so apparently I was right in thinking that no one visits my site anymore. That's kinda depressing in a way, but yet I can't help but think of how releaving that is. Now I can go back to six months ago when I could post whatever the hell I wanted. Cool.

Alright, well, as for my previous situation... it really hasn't gone away. But now I've at least figured out that I think that it's better if I don't date this guy. Maybe being friends is just what we were ment to be and that's that. I just wish we could continue getting to know each other just as friends.

The biggest thing I hate about this is that I can't help but hope that something more will happen. I know it won't, but I'm just one of those people who don't like to give up hope. Normally it's a good thing, but in situations like this, I can't stand that about me. And all this time I'm wondering if this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Am I supposed to like him or am I supposed to try really hard to get over him? I just... UHHH!!! I HATE HIGH SCHOOL!!!

*takes deep breath* Fine. Well... in other news, I've got a Flag Corps competition this weekend (Saturday) and I'm pumped! Our routine is really hard, but really cool, and even though it's not perfect yet, I know it'll be amazing. So yeah. I'm really excited!

Umm.... not much else going on now... I've got a World Studies test on Friday (which I'm not looking forward to by the way) and some sort of French project due Friday too. Kinda been a busy week, but so far I'm not in too deep yet.

So yeah. Now I'm gonna go meditate and try to get my mind centered... on something other than my frusterating situation.

Craving Sour Patch Kids,

Tay

PS; I've also missed my summer boys a lot lately and I couldn't figure out why until recently. I think it's because sitting up with the older brother on his father's truck and watching our little brothers wrestle, I felt like I belonged and nothing else mattered in the world. All of my stress and all of my problems dissappeared and instead we would laugh at absolutely nothing. We made up stuff like 'lamp sized fireflies' and 'martin bugs' and stuff like that. I mean, really stupid stuff... but it didn't matter how stupid it was. Because it was us. And with us... it was okay to be a little stupid. God I miss that beat up old truck...

Okay, so I know I vowed never to talk about my love life here anymore, but I need to break that rule for, like, the next five minutes. I think it's okay because it seems that everyone's transferred from Blogspot to Myspace and no one updates or comments anymore, and even if someone comes back, I can always delete this later.

So (I'm not gonna use names; I'm not stupid), Valentine's Day is officially over and I'm relieved. I wasn't expecting anything and I didn't get anything. Yey. But the thing is that I do like this guy... but I'm terrified. I don't want another relationship where I don't know who the guy actually is before I go out with them. I hate awkwardness and after my last relationship, I'm also afraid of it. So I'm trying to get to know this guy and it's going okay until he stops. Just stops. And I don't know what to do about it. Should I push, or would that be nagging? Or should I just let it go and not worry about it? I mean, if this isn't happening then maybe it's not ment to be, right? I'm just worried about letting go of something that could become something great, but what if it isn't great? What if it sucks and I'm stuck being in the same situation I was in a few months ago. I really don't want to break up with another guy any time soon. I just... it's hard to let this go. I feel empty because I feel like I'm so close but still so far away. I really want to just NOT like him anymore and MOVE ON, but it's like my soul won't let me. And I can't help but wonder if there's a reason for that...

So I've been wanting to say this for a while now and I feel good now that I have, but I'm still a little nervous that someone's gonna read it and question me about it. If you do read this and know me personally, please don't interrogate me *cough*CLAIRE*cough*. Believe me, I've been doing enough thinking lately.

It doesn't help that I feel this loneliness that won't seem to go away and I feel almost hollow inside... except for when I'm around him... then it's like I'm almost whole. I'm not, but I almost feel it. I taste it. I want to know what it's like to be with someone who makes me laugh, someone who I can talk about nothing and everything with, and someone who will hold me when I need to cry.

Stupid February and stupid Valentine's Day for making me feel so numb when I want to feel so alive.

Knowing that my meditation will probably have some tears involved,

Tay

PS; It doesn't matter if I know you or not, I just need some sort of advice to tell me what to do so PLEASE comment!!!

PPS; I'm gonna work on chapter three of The Spirit Sisters this weekend and will hopefully have it edited by Tuesday so that I can publish it around then.

Valentine's Day Rant

I hate February. I hate it with a passion. Even more, I hate Valentine's Day. And yes, I know how bitter I sound, but I don't care. Valentine's Day is just another excuse for people who aren't single to rub in the fact that us single people have no one. This whole month is filled with commercials and adds and constant reminders filled with roses and chocolates and jewlery. Being the romantic I am, you would think I'm like the biggest supporter of Valentine's Day, but in reality, from my point of view, I think that any day could be the one that people find each other. That's why I smile everyday. I believe that every five minutes someone meets their soul mate. Valentine's Day takes something that should be left to fate and makes it commercial and puts a price on it. For those unfortunate beings who have either lost that special person or simply haven't found them, it makes them feel cold and lonely. It sucks.

And it's not that I'm bitter. I mean, I've dated a couple guys within the past year, so it's not like I haven't had a social life or anything, but I always seem to find myself single and alone during this month. And this year it seems to be much worse than normal. I almost feel like I'm so close to having something special but can't seem to reach it. I feel lonely and depressed and I feel like I've met either one or two people who could fix it, but simply aren't. I just... I can't stand this empty feeling. I feel like it's eating me alive. I haven't genuinely laughed since lunch two days ago and I don't know what to do about it. I feel powerless.

The scary thing is that I'm afraid that this feeling won't go away after this month. I mean, what if I feel this lonely for months after this? I mean, I'm not seriously depressed or anti-social or anything. I have laughed and smiled and enjoyed myself this month, I just feel tired, sick, and I have this ache. It's just a minor case of loneliness. I just wish someone would hold me and say it's gonna be alright without it being one of my parents or one of my girl friends. Ah well. I guess I'm ment to have another Valentine's Day alone and watch my closest friends suffer from the same symptoms.

Hoping I can hold myself together this week,

Tay

PS; On a happier note that I forgot to mention, opening night was last night and it was amazing! Seriously, we were great and everyone's shows were perfect! I got a flower from two of my guy friends (one is my best friend's boyfriend, the other my ex. yeah, believe me, I know) and got so many hugs that my arms ached at the end of the night. I hope more people show up tonight, though. Last night it was kinda dead...

How Many Of You Are Truely Surprised?

I am sooooooo incredibly pissed off at the moment. One of my best friends is being such a jerk. My friend C and I have been freaking out for like a year about what we're going to do once we graduate, and I figured it out about a month ago, and she figured it out recently, like less than a week ago. But in order for her plan to work, she had to rearrange some classes. I supported her and said that it was okay for her to do this as long as she stuck to it and knew that this was something she really wanted to do. My other friend however doesn't believe she'll stick with it, says it's just a phase, and has continued to give her negative feedback. I could spit at him.

Then, yeah, there's more, because we're supposed to have rehersal together today and it's really important because it's the first with costumes, I asked him if he knew. He said he wasn't coming because HE DIDN'T WANT TO!!! He also used some excuse with his mom and something else, but nothing that would seriously prevent him from getting to rehersal. I'm sooooooooo PISSED AT HIM!!!! I just can't BELIEVE someone would do that. I just can't.

Okay, I need to change the subject before I say stuff that I'll regret. Alright, so yesterday my neighbor's grandkids from out of town came for a visit! I got to hang out with the older sister for about four hours yesterday afternoon and we played a LOT of Guitar Hero III, but then I had to go to a party for my father's work. After that, though, her two younger brothers, ages 11 and 13 came over and hung out with me and my younger bro. It was cool because while the 11 year old and my younger brother were playing some Star Wars game, the older brother and I got to talk. It felt good to be able to really talk to a guy. I haven't been able to for a while.

After they left I went to my meditation and sat there thinking that I haven't been able to talk to this guy I'm mad at in forever. He doesn't understand anymore. He's selfish now and conceited. I miss my best friend from seventh grade. The guy who would listen to us and, although he imputed his views, he still supported us and believed in us. Now I feel like he's gone and I don't have a guy to lean on anymore. I miss that.

So as I sat there, thinking about how it was easier to talk to this 13 year old than to one of my best friends, it really hit me how my good friend from out of town was a better best friend than this guy I've known since preschool!!! Not that that's crazy, I mean, this 13 year old is really a great guy and his girlfriend's lucky to have him, but it scared me I think.

So now I'm typing all of this and I find it weird that I'm not crying by now. I'm actually just sitting here and thinking that I'm going to go and hang out with some real friends today and not ones that put me down and don't believe in me.

Needing to call C and share my revelations,

Tay

PS; To any other friends who are reading this, he is the only one I'm mad at and the only one who hasn't been a good friend. You all have been very supportive and comforting and are truely some of my closest friends. Thanks guys!

PPS; I'll probably go back to being not mad at this guy in about a week, but right now, he's being a jerk. THIS IS JUST A VENTING SESSION!!! I do love him, he's just annoying me right now.

Snow Day Relaxations

Snow day! Yey! LOL. I spent at least four hours reading today. It actually felt good to lay down and not have to think or worry or care for four solid hours. Believe me, I've felt like I've been in hell for the past few weeks, so a day like today was needed greatly.

Today was supposed to be the casting of The Odd Couple, but because of the snow day I guess they'll be posted on Monday. I've checked the school's drama website and nothing's posted, so after checking one more time, I'm just going to accept that I'll have to wait until Monday. In all honesty, I don't really think I made it. I mean, with Winter One Acts pretty much everybody got a part because they were short handed, but with the Spring play, more people try out and there are fewer roles. I really hope my close friends C and S get it before me. I'll still show up and watch, sitting in my front row seat, cheering at the top of my lungs just like with TMM. I'll laugh at their unfunny lines that I helped them reherse and I'll grin like crazy when they first appear on stage. I pray that they get it.

As for One Acts, things are going really well and, from what I've heard, we've got one of the best acts. Our next rehersal is on Sunday and it'll be the first one with costumes, so I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be really funny seeing my new friends dressed up in clothes that they would never wear normally, including me. I mean, I would normally never wear these fashion diva clothes that I get to, but I'm oddly excited by that. This whole thing is such an exciting and new experience.

Now I guess I'll go read some more and try to get through another book before bed (though I'll probably break for my weekly session of Ghost Whisperer and Moonlight).

Feeling a bit odd,

Tay

Work, Rehersal, and Pep Band

Okay, so at work two days ago, my boss actually offered to have me teach my own class (for those of you who don't know, I help teach swim lessons every Thursday)!!! It was a class of mostly three to five year olds and they were SOOOO CUTE!!! I ended up spliting the class with another teacher b/c there were like ten of them and no one can handle ten kids on their own, but it was so much fun! I think pretty soon I'm going to get my own class to instruct without anyone's help and I'm so looking forward to it. I LOVE my job and am not planning on leaving any time soon!

On another note, yesterday I had the longest day ever. After school, I had rehersal for One Acts, and one of my friends wasn't planning on going, but apparently my goading and our other friend's goading finally persuaded him to go, so my father and I gave him a ride. But before we could go to rehersal, we had to go pick up my brother from school, which ment going inside our old elementary school. You should have seen him. We had so much fun commenting on how cute and small everything was and I swear we squealed at least fifty times! Then, we finally got out of there and to rehersal at our director's house. After a quick snack, we headed down into her basement to start rehersing and had a lot of fun. I had only been to one rehersal before that, and at my first one I had been nervous and a little intimidated, but at this one, I felt a lot more comfortable. Maybe it was the fact that everyone was there or that I had pretty much memorized my lines, but I felt a lot better. Anyway, so after two hours of rehersed cat fights, screaming, hugging, fainting, and arm movements, I had to get picked up early to go to pep band. Fun, right? Not really. By this time, I was tired, had a minor headache, and my wisdom teeth had started to ache for no reason. But I didn't even get to go home before pep band, nope, I had to go straight there. And this wasn't any old pep band, either, no of course not. It was a double header! First a girl's basketball game, and then a boy's. I basically spend the whole night talking to my flutest friend and pretty much lost my voice after that.

When I got home last night, I was dead on my feet, hadn't eaten anything since lunch, and could barely stand. I had fun, it was just the longest possible day ever.

Now, at around two, I'm going to pick up my friend and we're going to go to the library with our study group and work on a stupid english project that's due right when exams are over. Don't get me started on how wrong this is, or I will seriously just ramble on more than I already am.

Feeling like skipping down the street,

Tay

Exams And Everything That Goes Along With Them

Okay, so I officially HATE exams. In about fifteen minutes, I have to make a three page cheat sheet for my World Studies class, which is going to take FOREVER. I also have to make flashcards, though I don't really remember what for (which could cause a bit of a problem).

I missed a drama club meeting after school because I was so tired and distracted that I completely blanked, and didn't remember until my dad brought it up a half hour after it had ended.

I also had three quizzes and a test today. The test I actually think I did okay on, the first quiz I pretty much failed (but we take three a week, so they're really not worth much), the second quiz I actually aced, and the third quiz I honestly have no idea how I did on. In all reality, I'm pretty nervous about it, but I'm at least sure I passed.

And (if you can believe there's more), I didn't sleep well at all because of this stupid cough I've had for the past week. Instead of going away like I thought it would, it's just getting worse (I'll go into random fits now, and not be able to stop no matter how much water I drink) and now it's costing me sleep. I finally let my dad call the doctor, so I've officially declared war. Oh, it's on, bacteria, it's on.

So that's pretty much my day so far. I know, nothing positive, but it's hard to find positivity when you're too preoccupied with the pressure of exams. Hmm... something positive to say... how about the fact that I laughed today? That's positive, right? I mean, I always laugh in Science class (Jim and Claire know why, especially today). Ah, the wonder that is ninth period. It reminds me of my double period of social studies last year. Good times, good times...

Suddenly missing the simplicity of eighth grade,

Tay

It's Not A Hangover, I Promise

I had so much fun last night, but now I feel sick to my stomach and I don't think I can even talk. I also have the beginnings of a headache and don't really feel like studying, even though I know I have to otherwise I'll pretty much just die later. So.....

Last night, details, right... Okay, so my friends and I had kinda like a party, only it was only four of us. We played Guitar Hero III and danced to funky music and had this strobe light thing going on.... it was fun. I didn't end up sleeping until two last night, but hey, I missed them all a lot so it was good to see them again.

I should probably run through my script today as well as study.... ug.... truthfully and honestly, I just want to go back to bed......

About ready to say 'screw it all!',

Tay

PS; HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The Office

I hope you all had a great Christmas! I know I did!

So, because I'm kinda sick about talking about Christmas, I'm going to go ahead and talk about what I did last night. So for the past few days, my brother and I have been watching The Office nonstop. I got the first three seasons and we've been particularly following this one couple and pretty much screaming at the TV for them to get together. Well last night, my brother was watching his new Simpsons episodes, so I was in a different room watching The Office. And all of a sudden, the guy from the couple just like proclaimed his love for her in the middle of the parking lot. I sat there dumbfounded and I just wanted to rip my hair out b/c she couldn't return the feelings because she's getting married!!! Then, he sees her again in the office after hours and without saying anything, he just goes up and kisses her. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen as far as TV goes. But then they still didn't get together and he transfered himself into a different office. I was really upset.

I think the best thing about this couple is the fact that they actually talk. They are, like, best friends and talk about pretty much everything. I don't think a lot of girls realize that guys can be the best friends if you give them a chance. And they won't always turn into something more, and I think that's the beauty of it. You don't always have to worry about having to deal with dressing up or looking good because they don't care. But if there is something, then the couple gets to know each other better then if they just started going out. I made that mistake with my last boyfriend and I'm not making it again.

God, I felt like I was dying last night...

Not exactly sure why I felt this way,

Tay

PS; I'll probably end up deleting this later when I'm thinking more clearly, considering I just got up.

Current Situation

Well, we're leaving soon. I told my brother about my plan and he didn't understand why. I laughed and just explained that I thought it was time for a change. Plus, making people feel guilty can be fun.

By the looks of the wind and snow outside, I say that we'll have a fun time getting there! Ah well. With my I Pod and my current daydream, I will survive, even if we're stuck in thirty miles of traffic.

I'm going to laugh, though, when my friend Gabe calls in the middle of dinner and all of a sudden, Paramore's 'Misery Business' starts blasting from my back pocket. He always has a knack for calling at the worst times. Either that, or it will be Claire or Kramer. Anyone actually would be appreciated, as we will most likely need some sort of conversation topic. LOL, I'm just kidding!

Feeling temporarily carefree,

Tay

Getting In That Christmas Mood!

So after dinner tonight, I found out that we were planning on visiting our family friend who used to babysit my younger brother. I love going over there and they always are so nice. Every year, we give them a cookie plate and they give us small gifts in return. I'm super excited because I got a new cross! I needed one and was half tempted to ask for one for Christmas in the first place, but decided against it because I didn't want anyone to feel awkward about buying it! So I'm wearing it now and I absolutely love it! I don't ever want to take it off!

They were super nice, as usual, and we found out that her daughter is expecting a baby girl in February! I can't wait! I absolutely love babies and hope they ask me to babysit sometime.

Then, after visiting them, the four of us went and drove around looking at Christmas lights. We do this every year and we always look forward to it. My dad always plays odd Christmas music and we laugh and comment on all of the beautiful houses and the odd ones too. This year, we've noticed a depressing decrease in number of lights. It's like no one had enough time to celebrate the holidays this year. To me, that's just sad.

So that's my current mood. In twenty minutes it will probably change, so stand by!

Loving the holidays more and more,

Tay

On A Happier Note

Okay, so first I would like to give the biggest shout out in the history of forever to Jim! That was the sweetest thing I've ever heard! Thank you so much for always making my day! You truely always know how to make me smile! How do you do it?

So on the subject of my last post, I think everything will be okay. I know it will be a rough road getting to that point, but I truely believe that everything will be okay now. Things are slowly beginning to look up.

I got to wrap Christmas presents today for my mom and was super excited about it! All while I was little, I always loved wrapping presents more than opening them. I can't say the same about my brother who is always poking and pinching all of the wrapped goodies under the tree, not only his own, but everyone's in the family.

Tomorrow is Gma's Christmas where I see my mom's side of the family before she goes back to Florida. Unfortunately this also means that I have to see my uncle and his family who we can't really stand to be around. Ever since he and my mom stopped talking, he hasn't given two hoots about me or my brother, so I can't stand to be around him. But I got this idea that I'm not going to be my usual anti-social self that I normally am around them, but instead I'm going to be a sugary sweet, social, Christmas angel! Lets see them respond to that!

So because Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year, I'm determined to have a cheery season, even if it means forgetting about all of the problems I'm supposed to be working out and dedicating myself intirely to preparing for Monday and Tuesday.

Determined to make these holidays happy,

Tay

Scared

I'm terrified. I think one of my friends is going into a scary depression and I don't know what I should do about it. I've already been through this with one of my other friends and it was one of the scariest things I've ever been through. I really hope this isn't the same thing as that, but if it is, I think I'm going to have to get help again. I'm practically in tears right now and if anyone could offer me some comfort, it would be greatly appreciated.

Trying really hard not let my tears fall,

Tay