Valentine's Day Rant

I hate February. I hate it with a passion. Even more, I hate Valentine's Day. And yes, I know how bitter I sound, but I don't care. Valentine's Day is just another excuse for people who aren't single to rub in the fact that us single people have no one. This whole month is filled with commercials and adds and constant reminders filled with roses and chocolates and jewlery. Being the romantic I am, you would think I'm like the biggest supporter of Valentine's Day, but in reality, from my point of view, I think that any day could be the one that people find each other. That's why I smile everyday. I believe that every five minutes someone meets their soul mate. Valentine's Day takes something that should be left to fate and makes it commercial and puts a price on it. For those unfortunate beings who have either lost that special person or simply haven't found them, it makes them feel cold and lonely. It sucks.

And it's not that I'm bitter. I mean, I've dated a couple guys within the past year, so it's not like I haven't had a social life or anything, but I always seem to find myself single and alone during this month. And this year it seems to be much worse than normal. I almost feel like I'm so close to having something special but can't seem to reach it. I feel lonely and depressed and I feel like I've met either one or two people who could fix it, but simply aren't. I just... I can't stand this empty feeling. I feel like it's eating me alive. I haven't genuinely laughed since lunch two days ago and I don't know what to do about it. I feel powerless.

The scary thing is that I'm afraid that this feeling won't go away after this month. I mean, what if I feel this lonely for months after this? I mean, I'm not seriously depressed or anti-social or anything. I have laughed and smiled and enjoyed myself this month, I just feel tired, sick, and I have this ache. It's just a minor case of loneliness. I just wish someone would hold me and say it's gonna be alright without it being one of my parents or one of my girl friends. Ah well. I guess I'm ment to have another Valentine's Day alone and watch my closest friends suffer from the same symptoms.

Hoping I can hold myself together this week,

Tay

PS; On a happier note that I forgot to mention, opening night was last night and it was amazing! Seriously, we were great and everyone's shows were perfect! I got a flower from two of my guy friends (one is my best friend's boyfriend, the other my ex. yeah, believe me, I know) and got so many hugs that my arms ached at the end of the night. I hope more people show up tonight, though. Last night it was kinda dead...

The Office

I hope you all had a great Christmas! I know I did!

So, because I'm kinda sick about talking about Christmas, I'm going to go ahead and talk about what I did last night. So for the past few days, my brother and I have been watching The Office nonstop. I got the first three seasons and we've been particularly following this one couple and pretty much screaming at the TV for them to get together. Well last night, my brother was watching his new Simpsons episodes, so I was in a different room watching The Office. And all of a sudden, the guy from the couple just like proclaimed his love for her in the middle of the parking lot. I sat there dumbfounded and I just wanted to rip my hair out b/c she couldn't return the feelings because she's getting married!!! Then, he sees her again in the office after hours and without saying anything, he just goes up and kisses her. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen as far as TV goes. But then they still didn't get together and he transfered himself into a different office. I was really upset.

I think the best thing about this couple is the fact that they actually talk. They are, like, best friends and talk about pretty much everything. I don't think a lot of girls realize that guys can be the best friends if you give them a chance. And they won't always turn into something more, and I think that's the beauty of it. You don't always have to worry about having to deal with dressing up or looking good because they don't care. But if there is something, then the couple gets to know each other better then if they just started going out. I made that mistake with my last boyfriend and I'm not making it again.

God, I felt like I was dying last night...

Not exactly sure why I felt this way,

Tay

PS; I'll probably end up deleting this later when I'm thinking more clearly, considering I just got up.

Unfair Tests, Agreeable Ex's, and Lame TV Shows

So I did well on my World Studies Test and flute tryouts, but I don't know how I did on my Science Test. I studied hard last night and even harder during Study Hall, but I still don't know how I did. I have no idea. So I'm going to stop worrying about it and just forget about it.

So today my ex and I got along surprisingly well and I don't know why. I think we've come to an unspoken agreement not to fight, even though I love blaming things on him and he apparently loves doing things wrong and proving that he can make up for his mistakes. Don't even get me started on examples.

Anyway, so tonight I have two of my favorite shows on, new episodes of both, and one is the final elimination round! That's right! Beauty and the Geek!! My brother got me hooked on that show and he and I have laughed and laughed at the pure stupidity of the beauties and the cute and innocent act of the geeks. It really is a good show; one of the only reality shows I can watch without wanting to hurt someone (like The Bachelor). The other show is Reaper which I like just because it has humor, romance, and thriller all in one show. I'm a sucker, I know. Most of you probably think those shows are stupid, and they probably are, but for some reason, they are the highlight of my week and I am always bummed when there isn't a new episode on. Laugh at me all you want, but I guess that's just who I am.

And so I should probably finish my homework now before I completely fall asleep.

Missing the simplicity of summer more and more,

Tay

Week From Hell; Part One

So today I know the orchestra teacher is expecting me to have perfected my solo over the weekend, but the truth is I'm screwed. I did practice, but it's a hard piece and I got the fingering down, but it's doing it as fast as it's supposed to that I'm going to suck at. I'm going to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed today in orchestra!!! PLEASE HELP!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!! And I'm not normally pessimistic.

In other news, my ex is going to be VERY mad at me this morning b/c I basically blamed a lot of bad stuff on him, but I had a reason! He really is to blame!! I have proof!!! But he's still going to be mad, but hey, it was his choice to screw up his friend's feelings and he needs to apologize and fix it!! I'm so sick of telling guys what they did wrong!

Wish me luck today.

Feeling sick,

Tay

PS; Shout out to Jim for being the only one besides Claire and my father to comment! Thanks Jim, you truely made my morning. I'll be looking forward to all of your questions in Science!

Stress To The Max

So today I was extreamly stressed out. I didn't go to work b/c my dad apparently didn't know that I was working today (I told him I work every Thursday). It didn't help that he came home pissed at my brother b/c they had to go back to school to get my brother's homework. So I felt like I was punished for my brother's mistake and then blamed for him not knowing that I was working when I told him that I was working every Thursday. He never truely apologized b/c he still doesn't think it's his fault. I HATE it when men think that they are never wrong!!!!!! Urg!!!!

I also found out that my ex is smoking again when he told me he had quit. My dad said there's nothing I can do but ask him to stop, but I still feel like I should do something or tell somebody. I just don't know what to do. (C, if you're reading this, maybe you can help... I didn't want to bring it up on the phone...)

I have a quiz tomorrow, a test, and a presentation to give. Wish me luck.

Feeling stressed and freaked out,

Tay