I'M DONE!!!

i can't even begin to explain just what i'm feeling right now.
normally words like, 'lonely' or 'frustrated' would work, but even those don't fit right now.
i just feel...
alone.
dead alone.
and it's all my fault i'm feeling this way.
...
actually, no it's not.
it's not my fault that all he did was try to make out with me.
it's not my fault that i felt smothered and angry.
it's not my fault that i feel like i need someone there to JUST FREAKIN' HOLD ME WITHOUT TRYING TO KISS ME!!!
it's not my fault that his ex is always gonna be there.
and it's definitely not my fault that he's not responding to texts.

so you know what?
*wipes tears angrily from face*
i'm SICK of this.
i'm DONE crying.
i'm DONE thinking about him.
and i'm DONE with this whole situation.
I'M DONE.

and even though i'm heartbroken that i can't see the full moon tonight, i know it's there.
and i hope that maybe tonight, God will answer my prayers and finally send me my summer boys to make all of this go away.
*squeezes eyes shut*
please...

wanting nothing more to do with boys (they're better as friends),

tay

STUPID BOYS AND THEIR STUPID PENISES!!!

i hate myself. i really do.
i'm not really sure why i'm scared anymore, just that i am.
why is he still here? he knows i'm just a scared, clumsy, non-graceful, pathetic sophmore. so why is he still around? still trying to make me fall for him? is this just a game?
i want to tear my hair out and it's making me CRAZY!!!
i HATE HIM for doing this to me.
i was perfectly happy being single for a while. and then HE came along!!!
GAHHH!!!
firy burning passion of HATE!!!
he just HAD to make me fall for him. he just HAD to be PERFECT and ROMANTIC and MATURE and... well... HIM!!!
AND I'M SCARED OF HIM!!!
i'm terrified that i'll get hurt badly from this whole situation, because let's be honest. that seems pretty likely!
he's going to collage in september. it's an hour and a half away. you tell me how that alone will work out when i can't drive and gas prices being through the roof.
plus, his ex.
i hate being the jealous girl, but i think i have a bit of a right here.
she's always going to be there. they hang out all the time and they... *hears heart start to crack* still make out sometimes.
she's four years older than me. one year older than him.
i can't compete with that.
*deep shuddering sigh*
i hate this whole damn situation.
i hate him for purposely making me fall for him and his damn italian ass.
and i mostly hate me.
i told myself i wouldn't let it happen. i wouldn't fall for him.
we all know how THAT turned out.

well now that tears are offically clouding my vision and i can no longer see, i'm going to get off before someone sees me.
i really don't want to explain the situation again.

praying that there's enough band-aids to patch up her heart after this is all over,
tay

PS; have i mentioned that he haunts my dreams too? 'cause he does. almost every night. grr... *tear runs down face*
okay, i'm gone.

Quick Update

Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since my last post, but I've been kinda busy lately. I don't even know where to begin!

Well, lets start out with my current social life. The stupid guy is still there, but I'm moving on. It's not going to happen and I'm letting it go. So far, this has been easier said then done, mostly because it feels like every time I get close to moving on, he finds a way to imput himself into my life somehow, but I don't think he means to do it. Personally, I don't even think he likes me anymore, so you know... as if I wasn't depressed enough...

Anyway, moving on to other matters, let me just say that I feel the need to announce to the world that Claire and Drew are FINALLY TOGETHER!!! Congrats you two!!! I'm so proud!!! Yeah, so things in that drama department are actually pretty quiet. As far as I know, they're happy and things are going great, so... yeah! We're all pretty happy about it!

But, things can't all be perfect. K, as I've decided to call him (see former posts), is still in love with someone he has no busness being in love with!!! I don't know how many times I can tell him to move on!!! He just won't listen!!! If he keeps getting this attached to the guy, he's going to end up completely crushed by the time this thing is over. And I can only feel sorry for him to a point.

As for my family stuff, this summer we're going to PA!!! Yey!!! I miss my aunts, uncles, and cousins a lot, so it'll be good to see them again... other than that... there's really nothing going on in that area either.

So lets see... today I'm going to go to my church to meet with a youth group leader (or something along those lines) to talk about me getting more involved with my church. I love my church and it makes me sad that we only go once a year, so I've talked to my dad about it a lot and finally we've decided to do something about it. See, my family believes in God and all that, but between my mom not really being into the whole organized religion thing and my dad's outragious sleeping patterns as the result of his job, we haven't ever found the need to go in the past. And I have to admit that I was never sorry about that when I was little. I liked sleeping in every Sunday and I loved being able to run downstairs and help make pancakes instead of getting into fancy clothes for church. And then that stupid tree happened and my views on stuff changed. A lot changed for me after that night. Between that and my grandfather's death the previous year, I was starting to get warmed up to the idea of going to church. But of course, my family still liked the idea of sleeping in on Sunday. So here I've been for the past two years. Wanting to go to church and not being able to. And it's almost too late to do anything because I know virtually nothing about religion, God, Jesus, or anything relating to those three things. I believe that there is a God and that Jesus really was his son, I believe it all, I just don't know anything about it other than that. When you're me (some of you know what I'm talking about) and you have the, well, 'condition' that I have, you really don't have any other choice then to believe in God. I just feel bad for having this *cough* um, 'condition' and not knowing anything about the religious beliefs behind it. I feel like I've been given a gift that I know nothing about.

So yeah, after that I'm going to go into work for a couple hours and have fun with my students and then I'm going to come home and sleep for ten billion hours.

So that's me right now. I'll keep you updated as things change.

Wishing that summer would just come already,

Tay

PS; I will try to get out the next chapter of SS before break ends, but I can't promise it will get done. :( I'll try though, I promise.

Arms to Hold Me Needed

I'm so confused that it isn't even funny. But I'm not going to skip right to me. No, I'm gonna start from the beginning.

So it started a few days ago when I was talking to one of my best friends. He is bi and he had a girlfriend who was another of my best friends. He had hurt her a few months back, but then fell for her again and this time, they ended up going out. The thing is though that he's always had this thing for this guy who he's known all year who's two years older than him (and straight btw). Well, I was talking to my friend and he and I basically came to the conclusion that he was 'in love' with this guy and he had to tell his girlfriend and stop leading her on like that.

Okay, so, just to make the situation even more complicated, lets enter me and my best friend who are talking on the phone later that day and are getting kinda mad at our other best friend for hurting his girlfriend for the second time this year. We start to decide that it would probably end up being better if she hears it from one of us instead of him. So we call her. She's not home. She calls my best friend back later and she tells her. I then talk to her about an hour later, she's in tears (obviously) and then I had to go to my brother's soccer game, so I didn't hear anymore.

Then enter the other side of the relationship, him. Lets call him... K. So I get a call from K about an hour after I got home from the soccer game. He's kinda pissed at me and my other best friend (Claire) for telling his 'girlfriend' (now calling her S) about him wanting to break up with her. Can't really blame him, but we did it for S, not him. So I kinda calm him down, he's not mad at me at least, and we hang up.

K and S obviously broke up and are now in some sort of awkward friends thingie, but whatever. I'm done getting involved (I know, I say that all the time, but this time I'm actually gonna try harder).

And, believe it or not, around that same time, guess who decides to enter himself into the picture again??? Yeah... I think you can figure it out.

AND, to add to it all, I've been sick for the past two days. Between stress, this whole friends crisis, this guy, school, and this stupid sickness, I've been on the verge of tears for the past three days. And I can't figure out why I got sick in the first place!!! I NEVER get sick! Never! And somehow I get sick NOW??? And of course I couldn't skip school today. Not with two tests and a quiz. It sucked. I'll admit that yesterday was worse, but still. Today was kinda bad. The only good part was that I got to sleep in third period and a bit during lunch, but not much. Being the only girl is my favorite part of lunch (shhh....), but it does pose a problem when you're sleep deprived (suprisingly enough, sick people don't get a lot of sleep), stressed (stupid school... stupid friends... stupid boys...), and food deprived (I don't eat much to begin with and add being sick to that, lets just say that dinner is the only meal when I haven't been eating like a bird). I love the guys, but they can be a little loud. Especially when they're shooting bottle caps at lunch ladies (sam, lol).

So yeah. Sorry about that long story. I just needed a venting session. It felt good too. And again, if you're reading this, I really want more comments. As some of you may know, I've felt really lonely this past month and if anyone comments it would really make me smile. I might even cry. I don't know. With my current emotional state, it's hard to tell.

Wishing that the room would stop spinning,

Tay

Okay, so I know I vowed never to talk about my love life here anymore, but I need to break that rule for, like, the next five minutes. I think it's okay because it seems that everyone's transferred from Blogspot to Myspace and no one updates or comments anymore, and even if someone comes back, I can always delete this later.

So (I'm not gonna use names; I'm not stupid), Valentine's Day is officially over and I'm relieved. I wasn't expecting anything and I didn't get anything. Yey. But the thing is that I do like this guy... but I'm terrified. I don't want another relationship where I don't know who the guy actually is before I go out with them. I hate awkwardness and after my last relationship, I'm also afraid of it. So I'm trying to get to know this guy and it's going okay until he stops. Just stops. And I don't know what to do about it. Should I push, or would that be nagging? Or should I just let it go and not worry about it? I mean, if this isn't happening then maybe it's not ment to be, right? I'm just worried about letting go of something that could become something great, but what if it isn't great? What if it sucks and I'm stuck being in the same situation I was in a few months ago. I really don't want to break up with another guy any time soon. I just... it's hard to let this go. I feel empty because I feel like I'm so close but still so far away. I really want to just NOT like him anymore and MOVE ON, but it's like my soul won't let me. And I can't help but wonder if there's a reason for that...

So I've been wanting to say this for a while now and I feel good now that I have, but I'm still a little nervous that someone's gonna read it and question me about it. If you do read this and know me personally, please don't interrogate me *cough*CLAIRE*cough*. Believe me, I've been doing enough thinking lately.

It doesn't help that I feel this loneliness that won't seem to go away and I feel almost hollow inside... except for when I'm around him... then it's like I'm almost whole. I'm not, but I almost feel it. I taste it. I want to know what it's like to be with someone who makes me laugh, someone who I can talk about nothing and everything with, and someone who will hold me when I need to cry.

Stupid February and stupid Valentine's Day for making me feel so numb when I want to feel so alive.

Knowing that my meditation will probably have some tears involved,

Tay

PS; It doesn't matter if I know you or not, I just need some sort of advice to tell me what to do so PLEASE comment!!!

PPS; I'm gonna work on chapter three of The Spirit Sisters this weekend and will hopefully have it edited by Tuesday so that I can publish it around then.

Valentine's Day Rant

I hate February. I hate it with a passion. Even more, I hate Valentine's Day. And yes, I know how bitter I sound, but I don't care. Valentine's Day is just another excuse for people who aren't single to rub in the fact that us single people have no one. This whole month is filled with commercials and adds and constant reminders filled with roses and chocolates and jewlery. Being the romantic I am, you would think I'm like the biggest supporter of Valentine's Day, but in reality, from my point of view, I think that any day could be the one that people find each other. That's why I smile everyday. I believe that every five minutes someone meets their soul mate. Valentine's Day takes something that should be left to fate and makes it commercial and puts a price on it. For those unfortunate beings who have either lost that special person or simply haven't found them, it makes them feel cold and lonely. It sucks.

And it's not that I'm bitter. I mean, I've dated a couple guys within the past year, so it's not like I haven't had a social life or anything, but I always seem to find myself single and alone during this month. And this year it seems to be much worse than normal. I almost feel like I'm so close to having something special but can't seem to reach it. I feel lonely and depressed and I feel like I've met either one or two people who could fix it, but simply aren't. I just... I can't stand this empty feeling. I feel like it's eating me alive. I haven't genuinely laughed since lunch two days ago and I don't know what to do about it. I feel powerless.

The scary thing is that I'm afraid that this feeling won't go away after this month. I mean, what if I feel this lonely for months after this? I mean, I'm not seriously depressed or anti-social or anything. I have laughed and smiled and enjoyed myself this month, I just feel tired, sick, and I have this ache. It's just a minor case of loneliness. I just wish someone would hold me and say it's gonna be alright without it being one of my parents or one of my girl friends. Ah well. I guess I'm ment to have another Valentine's Day alone and watch my closest friends suffer from the same symptoms.

Hoping I can hold myself together this week,

Tay

PS; On a happier note that I forgot to mention, opening night was last night and it was amazing! Seriously, we were great and everyone's shows were perfect! I got a flower from two of my guy friends (one is my best friend's boyfriend, the other my ex. yeah, believe me, I know) and got so many hugs that my arms ached at the end of the night. I hope more people show up tonight, though. Last night it was kinda dead...

How Many Of You Are Truely Surprised?

I am sooooooo incredibly pissed off at the moment. One of my best friends is being such a jerk. My friend C and I have been freaking out for like a year about what we're going to do once we graduate, and I figured it out about a month ago, and she figured it out recently, like less than a week ago. But in order for her plan to work, she had to rearrange some classes. I supported her and said that it was okay for her to do this as long as she stuck to it and knew that this was something she really wanted to do. My other friend however doesn't believe she'll stick with it, says it's just a phase, and has continued to give her negative feedback. I could spit at him.

Then, yeah, there's more, because we're supposed to have rehersal together today and it's really important because it's the first with costumes, I asked him if he knew. He said he wasn't coming because HE DIDN'T WANT TO!!! He also used some excuse with his mom and something else, but nothing that would seriously prevent him from getting to rehersal. I'm sooooooooo PISSED AT HIM!!!! I just can't BELIEVE someone would do that. I just can't.

Okay, I need to change the subject before I say stuff that I'll regret. Alright, so yesterday my neighbor's grandkids from out of town came for a visit! I got to hang out with the older sister for about four hours yesterday afternoon and we played a LOT of Guitar Hero III, but then I had to go to a party for my father's work. After that, though, her two younger brothers, ages 11 and 13 came over and hung out with me and my younger bro. It was cool because while the 11 year old and my younger brother were playing some Star Wars game, the older brother and I got to talk. It felt good to be able to really talk to a guy. I haven't been able to for a while.

After they left I went to my meditation and sat there thinking that I haven't been able to talk to this guy I'm mad at in forever. He doesn't understand anymore. He's selfish now and conceited. I miss my best friend from seventh grade. The guy who would listen to us and, although he imputed his views, he still supported us and believed in us. Now I feel like he's gone and I don't have a guy to lean on anymore. I miss that.

So as I sat there, thinking about how it was easier to talk to this 13 year old than to one of my best friends, it really hit me how my good friend from out of town was a better best friend than this guy I've known since preschool!!! Not that that's crazy, I mean, this 13 year old is really a great guy and his girlfriend's lucky to have him, but it scared me I think.

So now I'm typing all of this and I find it weird that I'm not crying by now. I'm actually just sitting here and thinking that I'm going to go and hang out with some real friends today and not ones that put me down and don't believe in me.

Needing to call C and share my revelations,

Tay

PS; To any other friends who are reading this, he is the only one I'm mad at and the only one who hasn't been a good friend. You all have been very supportive and comforting and are truely some of my closest friends. Thanks guys!

PPS; I'll probably go back to being not mad at this guy in about a week, but right now, he's being a jerk. THIS IS JUST A VENTING SESSION!!! I do love him, he's just annoying me right now.

Old Exams and New Classes

So yes, I have come up with an idea, which, weirdly enough, I came up with in the shower yet AGAIN. That place is magic apparently. Or just the hiding place of the plot bunny. Either one.

So comments would be VERY appreciated. Even views or reads.... or ANYTHING! Come on people. You don't want me to beg, do you?

So enough about the new site, let's talk about exam results.

Let's just say that I did okay, but not great. All B's so far, and I still haven't gotten World Studies or Science back. I thought that was okay until I came home from school today and told my father, who didn't really even react, and then told my mother and basically bantered with her about my studying habits, and so yeah. I'm not exactly in the best mood right now, and it doesn't help that it's a full moon and my whole astronological clock is WAY out of wack, causing me to lash out at people and sink into a lull that won't seem to go away.

So lets just say that I really don't want to cry right now, so I'm just going to stop writing about this. New topic.

How about my new classes? Well, first is my new Study Hall, which sux btw. I don't sit my any of my A+ buddies, so I'm lonely and loveless. The only bright side is that I do sit by one of my French buddies from last year, so I'm not completely alone. I still felt lonely, though.

So then I had a different lunch period. It was actually better than I'd expected, but, again, because of my wacked astronological clock, I was tired and not really in the mood to deal with the drama that normally goes along with lunch. The bright side is that I'm the only girl (it IS a bright side, believe me), so that way I don't have to worry about more drama. Believe me, I get enough of that on my own.

Lastly, I had a new Photo Journalism class. I'm looking forward to making these journals my new teacher talked about, but I'm very lonely in that class. No one I'm close to is in that class and I'm going to be alone. Fun, but maybe it's a good thing that I have a class all to myself without anyone there to remind me of my dramatic and stressful life. Can you tell that I'm a little down right now? I guess my optimism goes out the window after having a day like mine.

Yeah, so that's me. I was just cheered up by my friend, though, who complimented some pics of mine, so I feel a bit better, but I could still use some chocolate if anyone's got any to spare...

Going to go listen to some inspiring lyrics and pray that they help,

Tay

On A Happier Note

Okay, so first I would like to give the biggest shout out in the history of forever to Jim! That was the sweetest thing I've ever heard! Thank you so much for always making my day! You truely always know how to make me smile! How do you do it?

So on the subject of my last post, I think everything will be okay. I know it will be a rough road getting to that point, but I truely believe that everything will be okay now. Things are slowly beginning to look up.

I got to wrap Christmas presents today for my mom and was super excited about it! All while I was little, I always loved wrapping presents more than opening them. I can't say the same about my brother who is always poking and pinching all of the wrapped goodies under the tree, not only his own, but everyone's in the family.

Tomorrow is Gma's Christmas where I see my mom's side of the family before she goes back to Florida. Unfortunately this also means that I have to see my uncle and his family who we can't really stand to be around. Ever since he and my mom stopped talking, he hasn't given two hoots about me or my brother, so I can't stand to be around him. But I got this idea that I'm not going to be my usual anti-social self that I normally am around them, but instead I'm going to be a sugary sweet, social, Christmas angel! Lets see them respond to that!

So because Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year, I'm determined to have a cheery season, even if it means forgetting about all of the problems I'm supposed to be working out and dedicating myself intirely to preparing for Monday and Tuesday.

Determined to make these holidays happy,

Tay

Scared

I'm terrified. I think one of my friends is going into a scary depression and I don't know what I should do about it. I've already been through this with one of my other friends and it was one of the scariest things I've ever been through. I really hope this isn't the same thing as that, but if it is, I think I'm going to have to get help again. I'm practically in tears right now and if anyone could offer me some comfort, it would be greatly appreciated.

Trying really hard not let my tears fall,

Tay

Unwanted Snow Days

So today we had a snow day, which would normally be wholeheartedly welcomed, but today was supposed to be the One Act auditions! I'm so mad! Well, now I have more time to memeorize my monologue, but still! I was all excited and now I have to do tomorrow's homework b/c if I don't, I'll never get it all done. We had better have school tomorrow!!! I want to audition so bad and just get it over with! I'm so nervous!

On another note, one of my best friends is in love with a guy who is moving very far away. The guy just found out like a day or two ago and he's moving there like NOW! Who's parents do that?! Anyway, so yesterday Claire and I did a lot of comforting and I felt so bad.

Well, I should probably get back to homework.

Getting more and more nervous by the second,

Tay

Okay Day After All

Okay, so I'll admit that today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The solo thing ended up being better than I thought and I think I'll get it with a LOT of practice. Plus, my friend who's doing it with me is just as confused as me, so I feel a bit better. I do have a lot of homework tonight, but I'll get it all done eventually. Panara for dinner (yum!!) and dad's home tonight, so overall, I think I'll survive. Just a lot of studying tonight and my study hall tomorrow will be definitely used, but other than that, I think I was just making a big deal out of nothing. As soon as tomorrow's over, I'll be fine. Plus, if I ace this Science test, I'll get my H back! I'm still mad that I flunked that pop quiz........

In a better mood than this morning,

Tay

Week From Hell; Part One

So today I know the orchestra teacher is expecting me to have perfected my solo over the weekend, but the truth is I'm screwed. I did practice, but it's a hard piece and I got the fingering down, but it's doing it as fast as it's supposed to that I'm going to suck at. I'm going to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed today in orchestra!!! PLEASE HELP!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!! And I'm not normally pessimistic.

In other news, my ex is going to be VERY mad at me this morning b/c I basically blamed a lot of bad stuff on him, but I had a reason! He really is to blame!! I have proof!!! But he's still going to be mad, but hey, it was his choice to screw up his friend's feelings and he needs to apologize and fix it!! I'm so sick of telling guys what they did wrong!

Wish me luck today.

Feeling sick,

Tay

PS; Shout out to Jim for being the only one besides Claire and my father to comment! Thanks Jim, you truely made my morning. I'll be looking forward to all of your questions in Science!

Someone Save Me

So today I studied for a Science test I have on Tuesday (of which I have to ace or I'm screwed), I practiced the flute b/c I have my tryouts this week and an impossible solo to preform in a week (HELP!!!), and my family also got out Christmas decorations. I would like to say that I helped with this, but I didn't. All I helped with was getting Thanksgiving decorations put back up into our attic. But at least I helped, right?!

I'm about to enter a death week and I'm going to do so with a smile on my face b/c that's the only way I'm going to make my way through it! Wish me luck!

Fighting to keep my eyes open at 6:00 at night,

Tay

Stress To The Max

So today I was extreamly stressed out. I didn't go to work b/c my dad apparently didn't know that I was working today (I told him I work every Thursday). It didn't help that he came home pissed at my brother b/c they had to go back to school to get my brother's homework. So I felt like I was punished for my brother's mistake and then blamed for him not knowing that I was working when I told him that I was working every Thursday. He never truely apologized b/c he still doesn't think it's his fault. I HATE it when men think that they are never wrong!!!!!! Urg!!!!

I also found out that my ex is smoking again when he told me he had quit. My dad said there's nothing I can do but ask him to stop, but I still feel like I should do something or tell somebody. I just don't know what to do. (C, if you're reading this, maybe you can help... I didn't want to bring it up on the phone...)

I have a quiz tomorrow, a test, and a presentation to give. Wish me luck.

Feeling stressed and freaked out,

Tay

A Little Bit Of Crazy Madness

So I'm watching Elizabethtown, one of the weirdest, most confusing, and most random movies I have ever seen, and thinking about the day I've had (and the one my friends had). Today was one of the weirdest days I've lived. I had a planned two hour delay, so I got up at seven fifteen, which I never do, I completely forgot to eat breakfast, I didn't pack my lunch or buy it at the school cafeteria, I had a friend receive the most beautiful love letter ever written along with the most breathtaking piece of jewelry I've ever seen, I fought and then laughed with my first ex-boyfriend from last winter, I had a pizza party in Geometry, I was actually sad that our sub wouldn't be teaching us anymore, I blew bubbles with bubble gum (I don't chew gum) in Science class, I actually understood what was going on in Science class, I practiced the flute for the first time in ages, and I actually didn't care one bit that my love life is perfectly and wholesomely nonexistant. Sure, I have a crush on one of my newest guy friends, but I'm actually content with it going positively nowhere anytime soon. I'm happy being single and I'm happy being able to flirt and have fun and enjoy having no boyfriend to bring that to an end. God, what has happened to me?!

Well I guess the fact that even though this friend recieved the letter and necklace and she still doesn't know what she's going to do about it, makes me feel that my love life, for once in my life, is not on the spotlight even the tiniest bit because no one cares and hardly anyone knows about this crush of mine. And so she doesn't know if she even likes him while he's professed his love to her (which she and I discussed shouldn't even exist as he doesn't even know her) and presented her with a timeless gem and she can't even except it. I feel that I should be able to do more than just talk her through it, but maybe I just have to accept that I can't fix everything and that I should be okay with that if I'm to live my life 100% happily. I know that I'm analyzing a lot right now, but just go along with it. I get this way when I've seen a lot of movies, which I have today. I also watched You Have Mail and loved it once again. That movie makes me think so much and I can't always tell if that's a good thing or not. I guess it is, considering thinking is almost never a bad thing, but I don't know. I'm now rambling and I feel as though I should be writing something at least a little more significant than what I am.

Do you know what I realized also? The names of the two main characters in Elizabethtown are the exact same as two of my friends' names! They may like each other, but I don't really know what's going to happen there, but I think this Elizabethtown thing might be some sort of sign. I think I was supposed to see that and maybe that's the answer we've been looking for. Maybe.......

On my way to e-mail my discovery (though she'll most likely read it here anyway),

Tay

Three Ex's In A Row, Tick Tack Toe, I Win! (goodie...)

So I did it. I broke up with him. It's better this way. But the thing is, I thought he was kinda mad, so I left him alone, and then he sat with us at lunch today! He claimed he had no where else to sit, which I totally believe, but still! Out of all the places to sit, you sit at your ex-girlfriend's table?!?!?! I mean come on!!! It was weird and awkward. I can't talk about other guys while he's there which sucks, not that there are any other guys right now, but still! My friend vowed to keep me away from guys now for a while, just like I'm supposed to be doing for her, but it's not going to be an easy job! I'm already on the lookout now, and I might already see something in the distance..... On that note, I want to comment that I don't see how I can keep her away from guys when I'm trying to set her up with a friend of ours anyway! (50.5% BABY!)

So that was mainly my day..... oh and in Geometry, a weird kid brought up the subject of beer goggles (inside joke) and I about peed my pants! It was sooooooo funny!

So that's about it! I have to go do my weekend homework now so that's done with, so I'll catch you later!

Having the weirdest day ever,

Tay

Soon To Be Ex (again)

I woke up at five thirty this morning and decided not to go back to sleep. I needed time to think. My boyfriend has been getting on my nerves lately. He's being a jerk and I need out of our relationship. So I decided that I'm going to break up with him this morning. Now normally, I would take into consideration the fact that today is our three week anniversary, but because he hasn't cared about both of our other anniversary's, I'm sure he won't care about this one. God, he's annoying.

It almost seems like I'm prone to do this. Breaking up is all I know how to do. This is the third time. I've never been broken up with before and I can't seem to figure out why. In my next relationship, if it doesn't work out, I pray I don't have to break up with someone again. It's hard and scary. I would rather break down in tears from being broken up with instead of trying to figure out how exactly to end a relationship. It's really hard. Plus, there aren't many songs to listen to about how you need to break up with a perfectly good guy. I think someone should write at least one.

Wish me luck.

Needing a Dr. Pepper at six thirty in the morning,

Tay

Busy Sunday

Well instead of working on homework all day like I'd planned, my family and I will be going to a pumpkin farm for an hour and a half to pick out pumpkins that we probably won't even carve. But it's tradition, so I'm not complaining. It just means that I'm going to have to work a little faster on homework than I had planned, considering I was also counting on a bike ride afterwords before dinner, which I will probably have to help make. I know, a lot for a Sunday, but this is what happens when people spend all Saturday sleeping.

I'm also having romantic ups and downs, but I'm refusing to say any more than that. I'm just feeling frustrated and exhilarated all at the same time. I think I need that bike ride now......

Needing time to think,

Tay

Weird Day

So today I got into a fight with my brother (what else is new), but this time he said some things that really hit me and I realized just how big of a b**** I have been being these past few weeks. I mean, I've been under a lot of stress and everything, but I guess that's no excuse. So I apologized to basically everyone in my family who I had hurt and cried about a bucket of tears (again, something new?) for absolutely no reason. Today has been a strange day.

Not only that, but I've decided no more romance talk on here unless I get really serious. I mean, because of my luck with guys lately, it may be time for a long awaited break anyway. Maybe I should just stay single for a while and see how it goes. Or maybe not. I guess I'll just need a little convincing to get me back out there. But until a guy who can do that comes along, I think I'll just stick to drinking hot chocolate in my robe and slippers and watching a good chick flick.

Feeling weird,

Tay