Valentine's Day Rant

I hate February. I hate it with a passion. Even more, I hate Valentine's Day. And yes, I know how bitter I sound, but I don't care. Valentine's Day is just another excuse for people who aren't single to rub in the fact that us single people have no one. This whole month is filled with commercials and adds and constant reminders filled with roses and chocolates and jewlery. Being the romantic I am, you would think I'm like the biggest supporter of Valentine's Day, but in reality, from my point of view, I think that any day could be the one that people find each other. That's why I smile everyday. I believe that every five minutes someone meets their soul mate. Valentine's Day takes something that should be left to fate and makes it commercial and puts a price on it. For those unfortunate beings who have either lost that special person or simply haven't found them, it makes them feel cold and lonely. It sucks.

And it's not that I'm bitter. I mean, I've dated a couple guys within the past year, so it's not like I haven't had a social life or anything, but I always seem to find myself single and alone during this month. And this year it seems to be much worse than normal. I almost feel like I'm so close to having something special but can't seem to reach it. I feel lonely and depressed and I feel like I've met either one or two people who could fix it, but simply aren't. I just... I can't stand this empty feeling. I feel like it's eating me alive. I haven't genuinely laughed since lunch two days ago and I don't know what to do about it. I feel powerless.

The scary thing is that I'm afraid that this feeling won't go away after this month. I mean, what if I feel this lonely for months after this? I mean, I'm not seriously depressed or anti-social or anything. I have laughed and smiled and enjoyed myself this month, I just feel tired, sick, and I have this ache. It's just a minor case of loneliness. I just wish someone would hold me and say it's gonna be alright without it being one of my parents or one of my girl friends. Ah well. I guess I'm ment to have another Valentine's Day alone and watch my closest friends suffer from the same symptoms.

Hoping I can hold myself together this week,

Tay

PS; On a happier note that I forgot to mention, opening night was last night and it was amazing! Seriously, we were great and everyone's shows were perfect! I got a flower from two of my guy friends (one is my best friend's boyfriend, the other my ex. yeah, believe me, I know) and got so many hugs that my arms ached at the end of the night. I hope more people show up tonight, though. Last night it was kinda dead...

Snow Day Relaxations

Snow day! Yey! LOL. I spent at least four hours reading today. It actually felt good to lay down and not have to think or worry or care for four solid hours. Believe me, I've felt like I've been in hell for the past few weeks, so a day like today was needed greatly.

Today was supposed to be the casting of The Odd Couple, but because of the snow day I guess they'll be posted on Monday. I've checked the school's drama website and nothing's posted, so after checking one more time, I'm just going to accept that I'll have to wait until Monday. In all honesty, I don't really think I made it. I mean, with Winter One Acts pretty much everybody got a part because they were short handed, but with the Spring play, more people try out and there are fewer roles. I really hope my close friends C and S get it before me. I'll still show up and watch, sitting in my front row seat, cheering at the top of my lungs just like with TMM. I'll laugh at their unfunny lines that I helped them reherse and I'll grin like crazy when they first appear on stage. I pray that they get it.

As for One Acts, things are going really well and, from what I've heard, we've got one of the best acts. Our next rehersal is on Sunday and it'll be the first one with costumes, so I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be really funny seeing my new friends dressed up in clothes that they would never wear normally, including me. I mean, I would normally never wear these fashion diva clothes that I get to, but I'm oddly excited by that. This whole thing is such an exciting and new experience.

Now I guess I'll go read some more and try to get through another book before bed (though I'll probably break for my weekly session of Ghost Whisperer and Moonlight).

Feeling a bit odd,

Tay

Another Audition; A Different Me

Well, I just finished writing and editing the second chapter of The Spirit Sisters, however, I'm going to give it one more look over tomorrow before I post it. I promise it will be ready to be viewed by Monday morning.

Okay, so that's all about the new site, let's talk about my auditions on Monday. That's right, Winter One Acts are almost over (two more weeks) and the Spring Play is underway (I totally didn't mean to rhyme). It's called the Odd Couple and our school is putting on both a male and female version. My audition is on Monday and I've already got a monologue picked out and shakily memorized. I just have to dedicate tomorrow to rehearsing it and I'll be set! It's weird, though, because I'm not as nervous for these auditions as I was for One Acts and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's because I have experience now or that I feel more comfortable acting, but none of those reasons seem right. I don't know, maybe I'm just being weird. It wouldn't be the first time.

I'm babysitting my brother tonight and have no idea what we're going to do. He'll want to play the Wii or some other video game, which is okay, but they tend to give me a headache after a while.

I got to go shopping today too. I got a sketch book for my Photojournalism class and then spent the last hour and a half cutting pics out of magazines to glue into it. I'm really excited about this class and can't wait to start using my cameras.

So that's me. After having the worst week ever, I think I'm having a pretty good weekend.

Loving the feeling of being home alone to gather my thoughts,

Tay

Work, Rehersal, and Pep Band

Okay, so at work two days ago, my boss actually offered to have me teach my own class (for those of you who don't know, I help teach swim lessons every Thursday)!!! It was a class of mostly three to five year olds and they were SOOOO CUTE!!! I ended up spliting the class with another teacher b/c there were like ten of them and no one can handle ten kids on their own, but it was so much fun! I think pretty soon I'm going to get my own class to instruct without anyone's help and I'm so looking forward to it. I LOVE my job and am not planning on leaving any time soon!

On another note, yesterday I had the longest day ever. After school, I had rehersal for One Acts, and one of my friends wasn't planning on going, but apparently my goading and our other friend's goading finally persuaded him to go, so my father and I gave him a ride. But before we could go to rehersal, we had to go pick up my brother from school, which ment going inside our old elementary school. You should have seen him. We had so much fun commenting on how cute and small everything was and I swear we squealed at least fifty times! Then, we finally got out of there and to rehersal at our director's house. After a quick snack, we headed down into her basement to start rehersing and had a lot of fun. I had only been to one rehersal before that, and at my first one I had been nervous and a little intimidated, but at this one, I felt a lot more comfortable. Maybe it was the fact that everyone was there or that I had pretty much memorized my lines, but I felt a lot better. Anyway, so after two hours of rehersed cat fights, screaming, hugging, fainting, and arm movements, I had to get picked up early to go to pep band. Fun, right? Not really. By this time, I was tired, had a minor headache, and my wisdom teeth had started to ache for no reason. But I didn't even get to go home before pep band, nope, I had to go straight there. And this wasn't any old pep band, either, no of course not. It was a double header! First a girl's basketball game, and then a boy's. I basically spend the whole night talking to my flutest friend and pretty much lost my voice after that.

When I got home last night, I was dead on my feet, hadn't eaten anything since lunch, and could barely stand. I had fun, it was just the longest possible day ever.

Now, at around two, I'm going to pick up my friend and we're going to go to the library with our study group and work on a stupid english project that's due right when exams are over. Don't get me started on how wrong this is, or I will seriously just ramble on more than I already am.

Feeling like skipping down the street,

Tay

Scripts and Tests and Quizzes, Oh My!

Today I have two quizzes and one test. I think the first quiz will be easy, the test kinda easy, and the last quiz kinda hard. I'll study in study hall and lunch and trust that I do well. I skimmed the material last night, so I'm sure I'll do at least okay. I do hate Science though! As soon as I thought that I actually understood something, he has to go and change it up! It's like Algebra all over again! You grasp one concept and then it just gets that much more complicated only a second later.

I got my script yesterday! I'm so excited! One of my newest friends and I have to pretty much have a cat fight over a dead guy! ..... and then apparently I'm kissed by this senior who's shorter than me and rides my bus. Thank GOD I don't have to kiss him on stage (or at all)! Yuck! But it's weird because our director won't give us the ending! She says she'll give it to us after break! It's one of those 'surprise ending' things. We all were like 'NOOO!!! HOW DOES IT END?!?!?!?!', but she still wouldn't tell us. Grr......

Hoping my studying paid off (for once),

Tay

Saved By The Best Friends

Thankfully, my two best friends saved me from the party and instead of being there, Claire and I went over to Kramer's house and danced and talked and ate pizza and just had fun. We talked for the longest time and it felt good. Really good. We talked about guys and we talked about our each current romantic situation (please don't ask about mine...) and what we were going to do about it (I still don't really know). We also discussed politics and religion and spirits (and my whole 'third eye' thing). I felt very talked out by the end of it.

Then Claire became my ride home, but before they dropped me off, we went to Rite Aid and looked through bridal magazines, discussing flowers, rings, and dresses. We pretty much planned our weddings, but don't worry. We're not planning on getting married any time soon.

So then all of my homework ended up being really easy to do and I felt really good last night.

The meeting after school went well I think. We discussed pretty much everything that had to do with our production. Turns out I pretty much know everyone in the play we're doing, so it should be fun. We get scripts today and I can't wait!

Feeling blessed,

Tay

I Got Lead!!!!!!!!

I got Roxi!!! I actually got leading lady in my friend's play!!! I can't believe it! I mean, I think I did well in my auditions, but not that well! And the leading male part is being played by the same guy who had the lead in the fall musical! He's mister drama club, so it's no wonder he got the part, but I have had no drama experience what so ever, I didn't take the Drama 1 course this year because I didn't think I would have enough time, and I've been to, like, two out of the four drama club meetings that have occurred so far. So how did I get this part? Ah well, I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm great at memorizing and I really do love to act, so I believe I'll do fine.

And I'm oober excited because this guy who's playing the leading male part is like a super star to me and I got to meet him yesterday! It's kinda weird being a fan of someone who goes to the same school as you, but I am a HUGE fan of his. And he is so made for theater. You can just tell. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely DON'T have a crush on the guy. I mean, he's got a girlfriend (I think) and I've currently got my sights set on someone else (that's all you're getting from me!).

On that subject, I'm also promising not to talk about my current crushes and flirting until I get an actual boyfriend. There are too many people who know about this blog and who I really would rather not know. I'm pretty conservative about stuff like that.

So, back to One Acts, I'm also kinda bummed I got Roxi because technically, that was supposed to be Claire's part. I'm really sorry, again. And also the part I tried out for was taken my one of my newest best friends. I really do think this whole thing is going to end up being way more interesting than anyone is expecting.

So I'm going to my aunt's house today for lunch and some hanging out before she moves to California. I'm really bummed, but I do have her e-mail address (I hope she has Internet where she's going...) so I can still talk to her. I really do hope that she's happier there than she ever was here. A shout out goes to her for getting the courage to move away from this dreary town and let herself be happy... as long as she comes back and visits.

Anyway, so now I'm going to eat breakfast and I should probably work on homework (but I won't).

Impatiently awaiting Monday (we get our scripts Monday),

Tay

PS; I will find out your source (and reason) Jim! Why be so secretive? What's to hide?

Morning Jitters

I'm soooooooooooooooo nervous!!! In a matter of hours I'll know what part I have in One Acts!!! I really hope I get a good part! I love acting and memorizing lines!

So I also have to give a French presentation today that I'm kinda nervous about, but kinda not. I kinda sorta prepared, so I should be okay I think. More like, I hope.

Not much else going on this morning, but I'm sure there'll be a lot this afternoon. I'll be sure to keep you updated!

Eating a disgusting orange,

Tay

An Actual Good Thursday!

So today was one of the few Thursdays that I actually enjoyed! I got the results of my band auditions back and I got to Symphonic Band!!!! YEY!!!! I'm super excited as long as the music isn't hard and I'm NOT first chair!! I don't think I could handle being first chair in Symphonic Band. Way too much pressure.

Also today I found out that I did really well on my auditions for One Acts (thanks Jim for completely making my day with that!!!)!!!! So now I think I can actually act, something that I never thought to try before. I mean, I thought about it, but it was always someone else's thing. I was one of the writers, not one of the actors, but in highschool I guess you can be both! I can't wait to find out what part I got!

However, on the down side, I also found out that I might get the part my bestest friend is trying out for. I didn't even ask to be assigned that role! I feel really bad about it and I hope I don't get it, but if I do, I'M SO SORRY!!! I TRUELY DIDN'T TRY TO GET THAT PART!!!!!

So anyway, now I get to go to work and get away from the madness that is my home life. My brother failed yet another quiz and my dad wasn't in a good mood to begin with. I'm so sick of my successes being overstaged by his failures. Ah well. I get to talk to Dad on the way to work, so I guess I'll finish my news then.

I've got an open note quiz tomorrow (I'll ace it) and a presentation to give in French (might need some work, but not a whole lot). Wish me luck!

Looking forward to seeing my students,

Tay