finally stopping this stupid ranting

so i'm done venting.
i'm done talking about him.
i'm just done.

i felt (and still feel) like i was a patient at a hospital, too weak to move.
laying on a bed, light blue sheets pulled up to my chest, my head turned to the left as my eyes slowly open and conciousness floods my mind.
my head's too weak to even turn.
i glance down to see the tubes coming out of my arms... i can feel them coming out of my nose...
i shut my eyes as i try to move the discomfort out of my mind.
opening them and taking in the dark figure sitting in the corner is the only thing that works.
it's a boy...
no.
it's a man.
and he's sitting at a table.
there's a mirror on the wall for some reason.
and he's staring into it.
he hasn't even noticed that i'm awake.
it doesn't even look like he knows i'm in the room.
but yet he's in the room.
why?
i want to speak aloud, but i don't think i can.
tears want to flood my eyes, but i can't even do that.
i can't even cry.
all i can do is shut my eyes and pretend that i'm alone.
because i mine-as-well be.

and that's how i'm feeling.
alone.
scared.
and forgotten.

it feels like bruses are covering my body.

but i'm sick of talking about it.
i'm sick of talking about NOTHING but HIM on this site.
this is MY blog not HIS.
and it seems that there's more about him on here then me!!!

so lets start over.
the rule about no relationship talk is back.

well, lets see.
i woke up and immediately started working on my bio homework (because our teacher gave us a bucket load of it over the summer).
then i decided to procrastinate it until eight tonight, when i worked on it more for an hour and a half.
believe me, i like bio.
i do.
more than i thought i would, but i guess it's good that at least this class i'll enjoy.
unless my new english teacher is better than my last one, i can't see liking english again.
however, we were forced to read a pretty interesting book this summer.
it's called 1984.
and even though the beginning is slow, i actually enjoyed reading the end.
it's medamorphosis that i'm NOT looking forward to reading.
i mean, who cares about a guy who wakes up and becomes a giant COCKROACH?
seriously?!
but at least it's oober short and i should have it done in a couple of hours at the most.

so yeah, i'm actually happy about being in bio (i'm sure THAT opinion will change) and i'm oober happy that i'm happy about being in bio b/c i've finally made a huge life-choice decision!!!
i'm going to become a pediatrition!!!
yey!!!
it seems that all these years i've THOUGHT i was scared of blood and stuff, but i'm really not. i just said that b/c everyone else was scared.
but i've worked with my blood and other people's blood before and not batted an eyelash.
so yeah.
that, plus the fact that i really really really feel like i'm ment to work with children made me make my final decision.
so yeah.
yey for me!
i guess it's also a plus that i THINK i might be good at bio.
>.<

that's right.
i DO have a life other than my pathetic love life.
it's just that whenever i get a chance to get on here, it's at night.
and at night, i tend to dwell on the stressfull stuff.
and my love life is extreamly stressfull.

i just don't want you readers out there thinking that guys are all i think about b/c that's not the case.
but i am a teenager, so guys are a main part of my life. especially b/c most of them are my best friends.

so for the first time in a while, i'm smiling when i finish a blog entry.
believe me, things really are starting to look up.

believing that the sun is starting to shine again,
tay

Saved By The Best Friends

Thankfully, my two best friends saved me from the party and instead of being there, Claire and I went over to Kramer's house and danced and talked and ate pizza and just had fun. We talked for the longest time and it felt good. Really good. We talked about guys and we talked about our each current romantic situation (please don't ask about mine...) and what we were going to do about it (I still don't really know). We also discussed politics and religion and spirits (and my whole 'third eye' thing). I felt very talked out by the end of it.

Then Claire became my ride home, but before they dropped me off, we went to Rite Aid and looked through bridal magazines, discussing flowers, rings, and dresses. We pretty much planned our weddings, but don't worry. We're not planning on getting married any time soon.

So then all of my homework ended up being really easy to do and I felt really good last night.

The meeting after school went well I think. We discussed pretty much everything that had to do with our production. Turns out I pretty much know everyone in the play we're doing, so it should be fun. We get scripts today and I can't wait!

Feeling blessed,

Tay

Deep Breaths Everyone!

Two hour delay today, which is good b/c that might get my Geometry test postponed, but lets me get my script after school. Hopefully it won't cancel.......

So my mom's party was postponed until tonight (joy) so I've got to get all of my homework done in school, which I don't know how I'm going to do that when I haven't even finished the homework that is due today. That's normally what I use Study Hall for. And after that, I then work on homework for that night. Wish me luck.

I'm feeling kinda sick because I'm kinda nervous for getting my script. What if I can't do this? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I make a horrible first impression? *takes a deep breath* Okay, I'm better. *takes another deep breath*

So wish me luck surviving today! LOL!

Feeling kinda queasy,

Tay

My Okay Day

Okay, so we find out the One Act audition results on Friday and flute audition results tomorrow. I'm more excited for Friday, but I guess tomorrow's gonna be pretty big too. I know a lot of people who are going to be pretty happy and pretty disappointed. Ah well. Hope all goes well!

I had my concert tonight with my solo thing and I think we at least did okay. A few mistakes, but everyone did, so it was okay in the end. For only a week and a half, it sounded good.

I was excited that I had no homework today! Lucky, lucky me!

I have work tomorrow and really nothing else is going on. I MIGHT be trying out for choir on Friday, but I'm still thinking about it.

Yawning so big my mouth hurts,

Tay

One Act Auditions

So yesterday I did my one act auditions and I think they went great! I presented my monologue, got some laughs from it, sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and did a cold read which was oober easy!!! I pray that I got the part I wanted, and if not her, than some decent part. But if not, that's okay too, considering I've got tons of time and other plays to try out for before I graduate.

I think we find out the results today, but even so, I wanted a snow day really bad b/c I had pep band last night after auditions which left like no time for homework. So now I've got to figure out how to present something in french and start and finish my Geometry and Science homework. Well I guess that's what study hall is for!

Crossing my fingers extra tight,

Tay