free hugs!

so today was, like, the best day ever! i got to hang out with three amazing friends and play the best game of monkey in the middle ever played.
seriously, no one can beat the game we played.

plus, two of the three people go to a different high school, so it was nice to see them again. junior high seems so long ago.

and then i watched two movies today. '27 dresses' and 'bella'. both were good, but after watching both of them in a row, i feel kinda sad and i'm not sure why. i guess it's because summer is a lonely time for me and after seeing two of my friends being all lovey-dovey today, i feel really alone.

i'm not complaining, mind you. i mean, my guy situation is at a halt currently. (after discussing that we would let whatever happen, happen, i've been a little hesitant to accept his offers to pick me up and hang at the mall or see a movie. plus, as far as the phone goes, there hasn't been much to talk about. he still called me twice this morning, though. i missed both of his calls, and i didn't call back. no doubt he was caddying at the golf course around the corner and wanted to hang out. great. NOT falling for this guy is going to be hard) but it's my fault it's like that. i'm the one keeping them at a distance. i'm the one who was hurt and now i dodge, not only his calls, but most guys'. i feel so hypocritical saying i'm lonely and then keeping him and all other guys at a distance, but i can be lonely and scared at the same time, right?

i just don't feel like i can get into anything yet. my last guy situation hurt more than i thought it would for some reason, and now i'm paying the price. i said i wouldn't let myself like him too, and then i let myself like him a little bit and i got my heart bruised. and that was only a crush. i can't afford to really fall for someone. not yet. not until this stupid bruise heals.

so yeah. now i'm wondering why every time i write on this blog i end up going on and on about my romantic situation, even though the rule was that i was to never mention it. ah well. no one visits here anymore anyway. ... right?

if you're reading this, let me know. i would like to know that what i'm writing, someone out there is sympathizing with.

needing a hug right now,

tay